Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
