Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
