And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
