I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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