I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
