Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
