Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
