Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
