I just made out with a guy for $7.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
