"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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