It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
