I faked an abortion last night.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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