you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
