I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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