Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
