She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
