I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
