My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
