How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
