4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
