You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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