Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
