Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
