I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
