So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think i have two assholes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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