I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
