I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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