im holly from the hills drunk
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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