____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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