I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
