Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
