i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
