so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
