absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
