I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
