Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
