I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
