he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
