I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
