how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
