I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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