***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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