i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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