Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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