I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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