I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
