There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
