in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
