I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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