I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is that strawberry winking at me??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
